I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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