Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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