If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
