did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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