the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
People with herpes should wear stickers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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