Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
