pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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