Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize