Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
