the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
