I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
