Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We don't watch enough power rangers
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
