Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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