and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize