it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
