You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
