There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i just google imaged poop.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
