I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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