my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
