Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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