headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
