At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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