I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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