we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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