If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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