know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
