I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
