SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
