also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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