You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
