check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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