So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
