i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize