how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
