Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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