trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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