That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
