i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Randomize
