Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize