How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
