it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
