I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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