i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
