at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
lol hangovers are for mortals.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
