i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
