Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
tell me about the fingering
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
