saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
