I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
