There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
