Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
