are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
