Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
