it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
someone owes me an orgasm
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
