i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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