Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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