I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
