walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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