1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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