Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
