If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if only i could text you this smell
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize