sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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