Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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