I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
MIDGETS
????
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
