so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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