ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
