I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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