oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We have started to decorate penises.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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