is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
