me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
