Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
