So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
