honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
