I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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