I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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