operation harelip BJ is a go
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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