This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize