How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
