You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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