I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
