by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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