I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
