I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
