You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
