Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
