I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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