were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
