Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
