Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize