hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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