my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
