theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
