My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
