If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
