Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
