I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
